Hernia Repair Surgery

Having a hernia is bad, but having a hernia repaired can be worse. At least for the first three weeks after surgery -- especially if you're over 50 years old.

My hernia surgery was to repair a large hernia I had fixed 20-something years ago. It popped out while I was surfing. While having a hernia wasn't acutely painful, it did offer a vague feeling that my guts were hanging out of my abdomen if I stood up for over ten minutes. It just felt "wrong" like there was a weakness in my right groin.

Surgery for a hernia begins like most other surgeries. You make an appointment, you show up at the surgery center, pay an enormous co-pay, and then eventually are escorted to a little room where you are requested to don your special hospital clothes (paper shower cap, paper booties, and a gown that lets your butt flap around in the wind).

Eventually you're escorted onto the big surgical table and there is a blanket that looks like bubble wrap. But there's hot hair blowing into it -- kind of like a hair dryer from the 1950's. Once they put warm bubble-wrap on you don't even care that they're poking some giant-ass needle in your arm.

Next thing I know I'm in a recovery room with other people, and my groin hurts like hell! The nurse arrives and asks me in a pleasant low voice how I'm doing. I'm trying to be polite and not shout but it feels like someone has my right nut in a vice and it's extremely hard to talk softly when the vice is tightening on my right nut.

The nurse reappears with crackers, water and a giant Vicodin which I gobble up gratefully. Now the vise is no longer tightening on my right nut, but the pain is throbbing like my insides are tisted in a knot. The nurse politely asks me to "quantify" the pain on a scale of one to ten. It's really hard to concentrate on a scale of one to ten when your insides are twisting in a knot, and cracker crumbs are all over your face, and your ass is hanging out of a gown. I said something like "nine" and was rewarded with another Vicodin and more water and soda crackers. Now I'm feeling pretty good until some alarm starts ringing because my blood pressure is too high. By relaxing with the Vicodin, and finding the "zen within" the ringing alarm stops and I can go home.

Once home I fall esleep and wake up in two hours to pee. Only to get out of bed is a slow, very painful procedure that involes rolling over in slow-motion, eventually getting one foot on the floor, then the other foot, and then the extremely painful part of lifting yourself up from this half-ass position to full upright. It feels exactly like there is a giant vice grip pinching the hell out of your right side. It's so painful you feel like you're going to pass out, and a couple of times I was so light-headed I saw stars. But then, once mastering the "getting up" maneuver, you waddle, very slowly, and bowlegged, as your nuts are the size of pool balls and your nutsack is so swollen it's stuck to the side of your legs, into the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom you make a new discovery. You have to pee, but dispite the agony you've endured to get there, nothing wants to come out. It's really quite discouraging. There is no relief. I found that standing at a 45-degree angle bent over the toilet and achieving a total zen-like state of relaxation allows the dribble to start. I'm willing to settle for a dribble , it's a hell of a better option than a cathether! By now it's 20-minutes later and my forehead is resting on the cabinet behind the toilet so I can keep this 45-degree angle without falling over on my face, but the pee is still slowly dribbling out.

This process is repeated every two hours throughout the night. Apparently, when you get a hernia operation after age 50, all your body parts tend to swell up. Body parts like your bladder, and your prostate and all the great things that help you pee. But the exercise of getting out of bed or off the couch to pee is good medicine, even though it may not feel like it at the time. Just remind yourself how awful it would be to have some nurse who was just beaten by her husband cramming a tube down your tiny little bruised weenie. Suddenly, the whole painful process of getting out of bed and standing there dribbling over the toilet will feel a whole lot better.

Within a few days my privates were looking like I would imagine you'd find on some huge black stud like "Shaft". Everything was huge, black, and swollen. Even though I was looking like a "bad mother..." I can't walk without shuffling bowlegged like an 80-year-old as my nuts were so swollen they wanted to stick to my legs. I tried wearing bunhuggers, and finally tried on a jockstrap -- which offered major support and changed my life.

The pain pills were good, at first. But they make you constipated and when everything hurts, taking a dump becomes a major feat. Just getting off the toilet by yourself is a major deal. So be sure and eat tons of bran, and metamucil. Stool softeners often contain salt, which makes your blood pressure soar. Check with your pharmacy as there's some stool softeners made with calcium instead of salt. They cost more, but won't effect your blood pressure.

So now, three weeks later I'm almost normal. I can pee standing vertical, and the pain is almost gone and life is becoming good again. Just remember, things will get better. Your nuts will eventually shrink and turn back to your original color, and you might even have a few pain pills left over for other painful events in your life that are still to come.

Woodstock -- Were You There?

I never made it to Woodstock. By 1969 I was through with musical events filled with masses of stoned people. From a California perspective it seemed as though the era had ended. The hippies had gone home and masses of nuts and crazies were arriving from God-forsaken backwoods communities with long hair and a yin for acting self-absorbed and cool. I hated them.

But George Thoren has just written a great short story about what it was like to travel from a small conservative Southern California town to Woodstock, NY in 1969. Read it and you can almost smell the haze of sickly-sweet smoke as the bands start up. George finagled his way to the front -- right behind the wood fence, near where this image was taken. His story takes you back in time, to a place where people cared for each other -- and complete strangers.

Read George's The Road to Woodstock by clicking this link.

Dementia in Aging Tracked to High Cholesterol

People as young as 40 with borderline or high cholesterol levels are at increased risk for developing Alzheimer's disease or vascular dementia when they grow old and feeble

Researchers tracked nearly 10,000 people for four decades, starting when the participants were between 40 and 45. After controlling for weight, hypertension and diabetes, researchers discovered a significant link between borderline-high cholesterol and dementia, according to the study.

Participants in the study who had high cholesterol, or a value of 240 or more, had a 66 percent greater risk of developing dementia later in life. People with borderline-high cholesterol, between 200 and 239, had a 25 percent spike in risk.

Dementia workers and assisted living homes are preparing now for the influx of Boomers to arrive soon! More than 106 million Americans have borderline-high cholesterol levels, according to the American Heart Association. That’s big business for residential care facilities.

The first step to lowering high cholesterol is to use a three-pronged approach of daily exercise, stress reduction and nutrition – or take the easy way and head to the doctor and get a prescription for statin drugs. A diet rich in olive oil, nuts, whole grains, fiber, fresh fruit, vegetables is best. Limit your red meat intake to almost none. Maybe none is better.

Supplements such as plant sterols and red yeast rice are also effective when taken in conjunction with a healthy diet. A recent study showed that red yeast rice decreased the body's production of cholesterol and lowered a person's LDL, or bad, cholesterol by 27 percent over a three-month period.

So if you want to avoid some stranger making wiping your butt and spooning your food in your old age, the time is now to start eating tons of yummy food like red yeast rice, or oat bran, oatmeal and fish oil. hmmm sounds real good huh?.

Click here to find out more about symptoms of dementia.

Silent Strokes Cause Dementia

"Silent strokes, ( strokes that don't result in any noticeable symptoms but cause brain damage) are common in people over 60, and especially in those with high blood pressure, according to a study published in the July 28, 2009, print issue of Neurology®.

These strokes are not truly silent, because they have been linked to memory and thinking problems and are a possible cause of a type of dementia," said study author Perminder Sachdev PhD, of the University of New South Wales, Sydney,Australia. "High blood pressure is very treatable, so this may be a strong target for preventing vascular disease." Apparently people with high blood pressure were 60 percent more likely to have silent strokes than those with normal blood pressure.

Many people thought I was crazy for suggesting that my mom's high blood pressure was the cause for her dementia. A CAT scan proved the multi-infarct strokes. Of course, her dementia got worse when she started forgetting to take her high blood pressure pills. So please, if you have high blood pressure, get plenty of exercise and take your high blood pressure medicine. To find out more about dementia in an aging parent click here:

Boomers Should Attend High School Reunions

Many times as we grow old and grumpy we’re tempted by attempts to reconnect us with our past. And, fearing that they’ll find us old, ugly and uninteresting, we avoid the like the plague. We stay home, carefully wrapped in our cozy warm lives, and tell ourselves we don’t need to see those old friends and acquaintances. But we do, we really do. Let me try and tell you why.

We’re grown up now. What people we knew in high school think of us now doesn’t really matter. We now have the ability to be our grown-up selves amongst them. We don’t need their approval. If they think we’re weird, it doesn’t matter, because chances are, we’re not going to see them again anyway.

High school reunions give you an opportunity to go outside your comfort zone and spend an evening with people who were special, and maybe not so special, in your life during high school. It’s a time to make amends and ask for forgiveness. It’s a time to ask that old high school girlfriend to dance.

That’s right! Get out there and shake your booty! Every woman will dance with you now, not a chance of getting turned down. And if you do get turned down, chances are someone new will ask you to dance. It’s all about opening yourself to your past, to the world, and to new experiences.

Nothing is more fun and liberating than dancing at these events.

Doing the Dirty Dog, the Frug, the Jerk, the Popeye, the Hitchhike -- and all those ancient dances that appeared on Hullabaloo, or American Bandstand. Let yourself go and you’ll be surprised how easy it becomes to overcome all the rigid high school taboos, and liberate yourself. In doing so, you’ll liberate others around you who’ll want to join in on the fun. They may be tied up in the high school rigidity they associate most of the high school attendees with. Seeing you making an ass of yourself will free them – and you’ll have done your good deed.

Every truly good semi-religious high school reunion experience comes with a caveat. Here are a few that have worked for me:

1. Don’t take your spouse. You’ll spend the evening worrying about whether they’re happy or bored, and they’ll pull you away from your main goal of totally connecting with your past – the people, the feelings and the memories.
   

2. Don’t drink too much. This is a chance to be the person you are now while facing the people you knew in your past. If you depend on alcohol you’ll miss out on half of what goes on and that defeats the whole purpose. Limit yourself to one drink, or two.
   

3. Don’t hold any grudges. This is a time for forgiveness, and just as you’d like others to forgive you for mistakes you made in your past, it’s equally important for you to forgive them. If they still hold a grudge against you. Forgive them and move on to better things.
   

4. Don’t rely on being with a group of friends you knew in high school. Staying with your old group is really fun and comfortable. But it’s also really limiting. This event may only last an evening. You’ve got to make the most of the time by allowing yourself to meet as many people as possible. You may and probably won’t ever see them again.
   

So if you have a chance to shake your booty at a high school reunion -- don’t let it go by. Don’t be shy. Take a chance on yourself and experience something outside your comfort zone. You may just have the time of your life.

Colonoscopy Experience

Like Woodstock and the Summer of Love, a colonoscopy experience is a rite of passage experience that defines your humbling entrance to old age. It's a crude and burning "welcoming" to the age of being past middle-age. It's the humiliating beginning of geezerhood. In this story, Dave Barry writes it better than I ever could. With all credit due to Dave, I must add a caveat. Don't make the mistake I did and drink your purge fluid late at night so that you're up all night strapped to the toilet blowing off chunks of the the enamel behind you. . .

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep', which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, and then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

Dementia in an Aging Parent

Realizing and actually internalizing that your aging parent is exhibiting symptoms of dementia may be hard. But if they've forgotten to pay their bills, or taken their money out of the bank and hidden it, or if you've heard about their strange behavior from another person, then it is usually time for you to take action and at least find out if they have dementia, or a chemical imbalance that's causing their bizarre behavior.

The first step you can take is to accompany them to a doctor and have them go a complete physical examination. Before you go, check their medicine cabinet and night stand and make a complete list of all their prescriptions. Sometimes side effects from prescription drugs can create dementia-like effects.

Normally, the doctor will take a blood test. One of the things he checks for is potassium level. Low potassium can affect memory and cognitive ability and make people act a little strange.

The blood test will also check for syphilis. I realize it seems absolutely ludicrous to think your elderly parent would have a venereal disease such as syphilis. But it must be completely ruled out before the doctor can go on to test for the next possible cause. The affects of syphilis on the brain over time can result in dementia-like symptoms. Giving approval for the syphilis test is the start of the little indignities that will occur when your parent is suspected of having dementia. These indignities are the way older people with dementia symptoms are often treated by the medical community and the general public at large. You may find that it's difficult for anyone to show genuine compassion for your aging parent and their frail mental condition. This inability of showing compassion from others may make you aware that your own role in looking after your aging parent's well-being is increasing, and this increase in responsibility may be scary, at least it was for me.

Memory Field Test

To test for dementia a doctor can perform a memory field test. The doctor will explain to your parent how he will make the test. During a casual conversation, he will list three items that your parent should try to remember. In my mom's case, it was a red Cadillac, Elvis, and a birthday cake. Then he'll engage your parent in some other conversation and ask them a few difficult questions such as "Who is the current President of the U.S.A?" or "Who is the Vice-President?" After this distraction, he'll ask your parent to repeat those three key items (red Cadillac, Elvis, and a birthday cake) he mentioned earlier. If your parent fails to remember two of the three, the doctor will probably recommend further testing at a hospital that tests geriatric patients for memory and mental problems. If he doesn't recommend further testing, be sure to ask him why he doesn't.

CAT Scan

Sometimes, if your parent fails the field test, the doctor may recommend a CAT scan to find any undetected strokes or tumors that may be causing the abnormalities in their behavior. If your doctor doesn't recommend this, ask about it. A CAT scan can see through layers in your parent's brain and search for an undetected stroke. Recent studies have found that silent, small strokes may be present in as many as 80% of people with dementia. If your parent has high blood pressure, this is especially applicable, as their arteries may harden with age and small pieces may break off and cause tiny clots in the vein. These micro strokes in the brain are called infractions. They can short-circuit the brain's wiring, causing dementia. This form of dementia is known as multi-infarct dementia. While you can't undo the damage of these strokes, you can see that your parent takes the correct drugs to help prevent future strokes - and, hopefully, slow your parent's mental decline.

The doctor visit is the beginning of many steps you can take in a proactive approach to determine if your parent is suffering from chronic dementia, or if an imbalance of drugs or minerals is adversely affecting their internal chemistry. From my experience it is you that will have to take the lead role, as your aging parent may be unable to, and from my experience, the doctor may be unwilling to.

The doctor may be able to isolate the problem, or he may recommend a geriatric evaluation, or, as happened in my case, he may just put his hands out as if to say "What do we do now?" If this happens, I recommend that you line up your own geriatric evaluation at a local hospital. If your aging parent is on Medicare, a geriatric evaluation is usually paid for.

Click here if you want to learn more about dementia in an aging parent. You'll also find free forms and checklists for taking care of an aging parent at www.boomer-books.com

Boomer Tales -- The San Francisco Haight Ashbury Anti-War Experience

Take a little trip back to 1967 to the Haight Ashbury when free love and the Diggers lived side-by-side. When the Avalon Ballroom was featuring concerts from the Family Dog and Mouse and Kelley were making the posters while high on . . .

This is a little story about my first trip to San Francisco, when the world was changing, and the Doors were still performing songs from their first album, when light shows were billed on the posters as part of the act and when hippies danced to the music.

I hope that this story may open a little door in your mind to help you want to write a story of your boomer experience, so that we can post it on:
http://www.boomer-books.com/boomertales.html .

Share your experiences, and what you learned (now that you're older and wiser) with others. Write it and send it to me at bill@boomer-books.com.

Massive Amounts of Caffeine Reverses Alzheimer's Impairment In Mice

Coffee drinkers may have another excuse to pour that extra cup or two. When aged mice bred to develop symptoms of Alzheimer's disease were given caffeine – the equivalent of five cups of coffee a day – their memory impairment was reversed, report University of South Florida researchers at the Florida Alzheimer's Disease Research Center.

Now, you may be asking yourself how a mouse could possibly drink five cups of coffee a day. I couldn’t drink that much coffee. It would be like a human drinking five bathtubs of coffee a day. Apparently, the mice drank water spiked with massive amounts of caffeine. After which they probably ran through fifteen mazes for fun and then went to the bathroom.

But back-to-back studies published online July 6 in the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease, show caffeine significantly decreased abnormal levels of the protein linked to Alzheimer's disease, both in the brains and in the blood of mice exhibiting symptoms of the disease. Both studies build upon previous research showing that caffeine in early adulthood prevented the onset of memory problems in mice bred to develop Alzheimer's symptoms in old age.

Massive amounts of caffeine could actually become a viable 'treatment' for Alzheimer's patients, and not simply a protective strategy.

Imagine Alzheimer’s Clinics filled with rambling aged people who’ve just mainlined 1500 micrograms of caffeine and are chattering away at 100 miles an hour while stumbling along after their stroller. Maybe we can go back to the 60’s and fit strollers with a “rap box” where they can rap into mobile amplifiers while carrying on intellectual discussions on solving the world’s problems.

Caffeine's potential for treating Alzheimer's became known several years ago, after a Portuguese study reported that people with Alzheimer's had consumed less caffeine over the last 20 years than people without the neurodegenerative disease. Since then, several uncontrolled clinical studies have reported moderate caffeine consumption may protect against memory decline during normal aging. The highly controlled studies using Alzheimer's mice allowed researchers to isolate the effects of caffeine on memory from other lifestyle factors such as diet and exercise.

The Alzheimer's mice received the equivalent of five 8-oz. cups of regular coffee a day. That's the same amount of caffeine – 500 milligrams -- as contained in two cups of specialty coffees like Starbucks, or 14 cups of tea, or 20 soft drinks.

At the end of the two-month study, the caffeinated mice performed much better on tests measuring their memory and thinking skills. In fact, their memories were identical to normal aged mice without dementia. In addition, the brains of the caffeinated mice showed nearly a 50-percent reduction in levels of beta amyloid, a substance forming the sticky clumps of plaques that are a hallmark of Alzheimer's disease.

Since caffeine improved the memory of mice with pre-existing Alzheimer's, the researchers were curious to know if it might further boost the memory of non-demented (normal) mice administered caffeine from young adulthood through old age. Bummer, it didn’t.

To find more studies on preventing Alzheimer's disease visit: http://www.boomer-books.com/health.html

Family Caregiver -- Keeping it in the Family

A friend asked me if Medicare could provide a caregiver to help her provide care for her aging parent. She was looking for a "professional" caregiver that would provide transportation to doctor visits, clean, and basically look after her aging parent. This was a concern, as her aging mother lived 30 miles away and those long every-other-day trips caring for her mom were wearing her down.

The truth is that Medicare will not step in to provide for a caregiver until your parent is completely indigent.

With my friend, her mom still owns a house which she is reluctant to part with, and there are no other major siblings to step in. For my friend, the payment of her labor will be bitter-sweet and will eventually arrive as an inheritance.

However, if you have other siblings and you feel that you're shouldering the main part of the responsibility of caring for your aging parent, you should approach your siblings for a caregiver agreement in which you are entitled for payment. A sample care giving agreement can be found at http://www.bananasinc.org/uploads/1080333629.pdf . You should also have your siblings in agreement with an "Family Enlistment Form" you can download for free at www.boomer-books.com . Both of these forms can come in handy when the burden of caregiving seems to single you out over other siblings.

So often families find it easier to pay a complete stranger for caregiving than another family member. But it has been shown that compensating a relative for taking care of an aging parent can avoid guilt and resentment amongst the other siblings. It's probably better that a family member makes $10.00 per hour caring for your aging parent than a total stranger. This care giving opportunity may even pave the path for someone's son or daughter to learn how to care for their grandmother and be paid for it. Teenagers always seem to need money, and caregiving for their grandma may end up being more meaningful than delivering pizza -- and the pay may be better also.

Keep in mind that there is a good chance that your aging parent's condition will deteriorate to the point that he or she will need more skilled care. This point, and the defining turning point that defines it, should be mentioned in the contract, or agreement. In fact, putting together the agreement and the enlistment form prepares everyone for the enevitable of what's to come. It defines (or should define) everyone's responsibility to the best of your ability -- so that you have drafted a loose plan for the caring of your aging parents. As with any agreement, you can always make ammendments and changes, provided that all who are in agreement, sign and date the amendment or change.

Secret Wigwam of Chapapquiddick

A short story posted at http://www.boomer-books.com/secret-wigwam-of-chappaquiddick.html can take you back in time to when Nixon was president, and boys and girls didn't live together in "sin" on 80 acres on Chappaquiddick. That kind of stuff just didn't happen then. At least, not openly.

The Secret Wigwam of Chappaquiddick is a story of island life on Martha's Vineyard that took place back in the 1970's. It explains how to build a wigwam from Scrub Oak branches and an Army surplus parachute. It also covers life as a guy with an all-girl painting crew and what small town life was like, with millions of relatives on a small island.

Hopefully, this story will inspire you to write your own boomer tales and send them into me at bill@boomerbooks so we can publish them under http://www.boomer-books.com/boomertales.html and you can show them to your grandchildren and explain to them what life was like in another time, long, long ago.

Hernia Attack!

Son and I had decided to go surfing on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Feeling old and feeble I figured chugging four large cups of green tea would help generate the energy to paddle pass the breakers.

So there we were on the ocean. The water warm and glassy, and the sun heading down. Me in a full wetsuit with four large cups of green tea inside my bladder -- wanting to merge with the sea. Life was good. Sometimes there is nothing better than laying on your board in the ocean, peeing freely in your wetsuit. Feeling warmth radiating from within and held by the confines of a rubber membrane.

Waves came. Large humping shapes appeared on the horizon, blocking the sun and stirring activity and adrenaline. As we positioned for our paddle glides down their long faces we noticed sun shining through the backs of the waves spreading warm light on our boards.

Then there was pain. I had a feeling like my intestines were sliding through my stomach wall. Crap. It felt like a blow-out of an old hernia from childhood.

The next day I can barely walk as it feels like my guts are hanging out, yet nothing shows in the mirror.

What is a hernia? According to http://hernia.com the most common location for hernia is the abdomen. The abdominal wall - a sheet of tough muscle and tendon that runs down from the ribs to the legs at the groins - acts as 'nature's corset to hold your guts in.

If a weakness should open up in that abdominal wall, and all kinds of things can make this happen (in my case peeing and surfing), then the 'corset effect' is lost and your intestines simply push through the 'window' like green tea meeting the ocean. The ensuing bulge, which is often quite visible against the skin, is the hernia.

These 'windows of weakness' commonly occur where there are natural weaknesses in our abdominal wall Examples of these are the canals (inguinal and femoral) which allow passage of vessels down to the scrotum and the legs, respectively. The umbilical area (navel) is another area of natural weakness frequently prone to hernia. Another area of potential weakness can be the site of any previous abdominal surgery. Sounds delightful huh?

So next I’m at the doctor’s office turning my head and coughing while he’s jabbing a finger in my groin to feel for something unusual.

I’ve just received my referral slip for a visit with the surgeon.

For more stupid stories like this one, please visit http://www.boomer-books.com/boomertales.html

To be continued . . . .

Welcome to the boomer-booksblog.

Hopefully you'll find worthwhile posts to help you solve and enjoy the mysteries of aging and enjoying life as you turn the corner past 50.

I'll try and post all the yucky experiences we get to share as we grow ungracefully into what others might refer to as senior citizens. I still can't figure out who that old geezer is in the mirror. He looks scary as hell.