Family Caregiver -- Keeping it in the Family

A friend asked me if Medicare could provide a caregiver to help her provide care for her aging parent. She was looking for a "professional" caregiver that would provide transportation to doctor visits, clean, and basically look after her aging parent. This was a concern, as her aging mother lived 30 miles away and those long every-other-day trips caring for her mom were wearing her down.

The truth is that Medicare will not step in to provide for a caregiver until your parent is completely indigent.

With my friend, her mom still owns a house which she is reluctant to part with, and there are no other major siblings to step in. For my friend, the payment of her labor will be bitter-sweet and will eventually arrive as an inheritance.

However, if you have other siblings and you feel that you're shouldering the main part of the responsibility of caring for your aging parent, you should approach your siblings for a caregiver agreement in which you are entitled for payment. A sample care giving agreement can be found at http://www.bananasinc.org/uploads/1080333629.pdf . You should also have your siblings in agreement with an "Family Enlistment Form" you can download for free at www.boomer-books.com . Both of these forms can come in handy when the burden of caregiving seems to single you out over other siblings.

So often families find it easier to pay a complete stranger for caregiving than another family member. But it has been shown that compensating a relative for taking care of an aging parent can avoid guilt and resentment amongst the other siblings. It's probably better that a family member makes $10.00 per hour caring for your aging parent than a total stranger. This care giving opportunity may even pave the path for someone's son or daughter to learn how to care for their grandmother and be paid for it. Teenagers always seem to need money, and caregiving for their grandma may end up being more meaningful than delivering pizza -- and the pay may be better also.

Keep in mind that there is a good chance that your aging parent's condition will deteriorate to the point that he or she will need more skilled care. This point, and the defining turning point that defines it, should be mentioned in the contract, or agreement. In fact, putting together the agreement and the enlistment form prepares everyone for the enevitable of what's to come. It defines (or should define) everyone's responsibility to the best of your ability -- so that you have drafted a loose plan for the caring of your aging parents. As with any agreement, you can always make ammendments and changes, provided that all who are in agreement, sign and date the amendment or change.